'It's often learned behavior': Understanding domestic violence and the lasting effects - WTOL

Two people allegedly assaulted their partners in two separate incidents in Toledo on Sunday. WTOL 11 spoke with a therapist about domestic violence and its causes.

TOLEDO, Ohio — In two separate incidents in Toledo on Sunday, men allegedly assaulted their girlfriends, according to Toledo police.

Albert Alderman's girlfriend, 29-year-old Kelsie Barnier, was found unresponsive in a west Toledo home and her death was ruled a homicide. Alderman, 33, was later shot and killed by officers after police said he pointed a gun at them.

Not long after that, David Lewis was charged with felony assault after allegedly choking his live-in girlfriend. He is in custody at the Lucas County Jail.

To better understand the psychology behind domestic violence and the impact it has on victims and their families, WTOL 11 spoke with Erin Wiley, a therapist at the Willow Center.

She said the basis for the violence often starts with watching how their father treated their mother growing up.

"It's often learned behavior, and they think it's normal and natural that if someone upsets you, you just go for them. Unfortunately in some situations, it ends up deadly," Wiley said.

For Barnier and Alderman, their families are left to pick up the pieces.

"When it's it's in circumstances where there was violence, where a life was cut short, it's devastatingly difficult to recover," Wiley said.

Wiley said that often the best way to move forward after a loss like that is to celebrate that person's life and keep their memory alive.

However, for Alderman's family, that might be more difficult. Wiley said that instead, his family will have to accept he made his own choices.

"As a mother myself, I think what a devastating thing, to be a parent and know your child did something horrific in the world," Wiley said. "But I also know there's some healing for parents like that to know you don't get to make decisions for your kids and they do act independently."

Meanwhile, Wiley said the trauma from Sunday's second incident is much more direct, even though the victim survived.

While the details of the relationship between David Lewis and his girlfriend were not disclosed, court documents said that the pair lived together and that on Sunday night, Lewis allegedly attempted to strangle her, breaching that trust forever.

"It's super scary when someone you really care about is trying to hurt you and it's really confusing to your brain because when you're in a romantic relationship, this is the person you trust more than anyone in the world," Wiley said. "So when a relationship like that turns violent, it's very confusing."

Wiley said that it is likely none of the people involved in these cases, including the victim, the accused or their families, will ever have a full recovery because these kinds of incidents stay in people's minds forever.

But Wiley said that in any situation, with a strong support group and therapy, a victim can move forward.

If you are experiencing domestic violence, call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 800-799-7233 or text START to 88788. You can also contact the Domestic Violence Resource Center in Toledo by calling 419-213-2700.