Pamela Gonzalez, a stalwart advocate for victims of domestic violence and sexual assault, died earlier this month, leaving behind a long legacy of shining the light in the dark.
Gonzalez, who passed away at the age of 64, was the executive director of U Care, a non-profit advocacy group supporting abuse victims in Sampson County and surrounding areas. U Care, under the direction of its fearless leader, opened its emergency shelter in Clinton in 1997 and developed programs to provide the kind of practical and emotional support needed to end abusive situations.
Jonelle Strickland, local chairwoman of the federal Emergency Food and Shelter program and United Way of Sampson County board member, spoke of her friend’s unwavering dedication to her clients. “I just love that she was no-nonsense and such a protective and passionate advocate for domestic violence victims. She just really wanted to set them up for future success.”
Gonzalez was an outside-of-the-box thinker who brought her open-mindedness to bear on a critical and pervasive issue in society, creating a movement for change.
Under Gonzalez’s leadership, U Care has evolved with an increasingly technological world and used social media to show that there can be a symbiotic relationship between those who need help and the rest of the community. Her plea on Facebook brought together a fleeing child whose dog needed a kennel and a Boy Scout who needed a badge for building a structure.
Rosalind Kephart, now a U Care staffer, “instantly clicked” with Gonzalez five years ago when she went to get information on domestic violence for her office’s bulletin board. Kephart ended up going back for visits and eventually organizing her officemates to collect plastic bags for donation to the Bee Hive Thrift Store that helps support U Care.
Gonzalez’s ability to build connections between people had nurtured leadership abilities in others, as illustrated by one of her friend’s stories. “She was gracious and generous to spend time educating me as I was new in my position,” Strickland stated. “She helped me secure a new local board member that met the criteria of formerly homeless.”
During her life, Gonzalez maintained that domestic violence and sexual assault plague people of all races and socio-economic backgrounds in this area but that it is difficult for many people to accept. According to U Care, 35% of women in North Carolina have been subject to domestic violence or sexual assault. Strickland echoed her friend’s sentiment, saying “DV knows no education, economic status. It’s very widespread.”
Gonzalez challenged people who preferred to ignore this ugly truth by putting more of the taboo in the limelight.
In 2017, she organized a U Care vigil that included a “Walk a Mile in Her Shoes” segment. Some of the men donned high heels and walked through downtown Clinton from Graves Memorial Presbyterian Church to the courthouse.
Kephart said it was an eye-opening experience. “The guys, they really enjoyed it, and it made them think ‘cause men don’t wear heels. I can’t walk in those heels.”
That wasn’t the first time Gonzalez brought gender-bending awareness-raising techniques used in other parts of the world to Sampson County.
In 2014, she hosted a womanless beauty pageant where local firefighters vied for a crown while dressed in women’s professional attire and evening wear.
Although domestic violence and sexual assault mainly affects women and children, Gonzalez was quick to point out that men can be victims too. The U Care icon said that about one in 12 of their clients are male. She even put programs in place to help men who are sexually violated in prison.
A humanitarian at heart, Gonzalez took special measures for outreach to victims of all stripes — old, young, gay, straight, immigrant, citizen.
Kephart spoke of their leader’s emphasis on inclusion. “She always said this office is a space for all people. It didn’t matter what color, what situation, she’d help.”
As a survivor of domestic violence herself, Gonzalez was well attuned to the needs of victims escaping abuse and well aware of the struggle to leave in the first place. She left her own abuser 13 times in 16 years. Financial dependence, manipulation and fear make it all too easy for abusers to pull their victim’s strings and keep them near.
Strickland, who moved to Clinton about 10 years ago, was drawn to Gonzalez because of her own experience with domestic violence as a child. “I will miss Pam personally.”
Gonzalez is survived by her husband and children. Besides her intense involvement in her work, she enjoyed cross-stitch, knitting and gardening with herbs, plants and flowers.
Kephart, who started as a volunteer and began working at U Care after she retired, connected with Gonzalez over love of family. “She always smiled when she talked about her kids and grandkids.”
Gonzalez’s legacy lives on through U Care. Her quirky fundraisers attracted donors and her passion and commitment inspired volunteers. The executive director position is being filled by her protege, Sunny Wilkins, a long-time advocate at the facility.
Strickland recalled Gonzalez’s dedication to her mission fondly, stating “U Care, its clients, and our community were lucky to have Pam in her role for almost 30 years. She was a no-nonsense and compassionate person with a heart of gold. She was passionate about her advocacy of victims of domestic violence and worked diligently to set them up for future success with support such as life skills training, job placement and the simple act of non-judgment and understanding.”
A significant portion of U Care’s funding has come from the proceeds of its Bee Hive Thrift Store, with locations in Clinton and Newton Grove. The Clinton store closed its downtown location on Friday, and its reopening is in the works. Gonzalez picked the name of the store based on the anomaly of bees’ flight.
Bees are so heavy and their wings so small that, if their wings operated like other flying animals, they would not be able to take flight under the laws of physics. But they twist and spin their wings during flight in such a way that they achieve the otherwise impossible.
All those years ago, Pam Gonzalez spun her wings and flew to freedom. Destination? Soul flight instructor for thousands of women and men in Sampson County.
India K. Autry can be reached at 910-249-4617.
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Gonzalez, a beacon for abuse victims, leaves lasting legacy - Sampson Independent
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